alright.
im in a middle of a crisis now.
ytd..i sprained an ankle while walking out from LT1.stupid ankle just gave way and i was limping all the way from school to Mac.
obviously didnt had the chance to go bond at ECP with my class.
on the note that i didnt take a picture of my foot in bandage.ohh wells.what a pity.
aarghs.uber frustrating.
this friday.
PI, trigo, GP AQ, Chan's lessons, music for jay's song, prac for mee toh children visit.
im no superhero.
i know my time's short.
yet im seem to be hardly doing anything about it.is it all just about me, or is fate just letting me perish without any hope of salvation?
we hardly come by peaceful days.
the days to come will be..
surmounting and tolling.
i guess i shouldnt go on ranting..
gotta go.
Friday, March 23, 2007
whats wrong with that woman? my day was really screwed up. i thought things were for the better after i understood even the least bit of chan's lesson. i thought i was redeemed. apparently not. oh fuck. the kind of uncertainty-induced hatred rose in me to the extent that when i stepped into the lift before reaching home i imagined myself culdging that poor bloke standing in front of me into meat paste. To think that such hatred could manifest such sinful thoughts makes me shudder. fuck. what went wrong in life? where's my drive? whats my purpose? its late. i found two posts i wrote during and after the taiwan camp last year.
the after:
Sadly.up till now.you still do not know who I am.
Neither do you understand me or know who am I.
I thought the taiwan camp would have made a difference.
It did.
But it wore off as fast as it came.
Since JC life started since ytd.
Eyes did not meet eyes.
Today.I screwed up many things.
When dismissed at skol, I called amy jie and her parentswho came to pick me up.and i forgot that gong2 came to pick me up too.
You do not know how bad I felt.
A 70-year old plus driving out in the rain to realize minutes later your foolish grandson is on his way back home in somone else's car.
I hate myself because I am so weak.When I reached home.However tired I was. I did the vacuuming without a sound. I was willing. I was not forced into doing.I was glad to remove a burden even if it seems insignificant to those you both are carrying.but.I am blessed with thalessemia and a lazy body.I nearly collapsed after finishing my room.
I hate myself for being seemingly useless.Besides seeing me as arrogant, too smrt for my own good, or acting as if im all grown up.im nothing much.And im a dispicable freak who does not see how important money is to us now.
Do you think I am all that unappreciative
Do you think I am one who does not treasure what i have?
Then again.If i say i do, my actions hardly prove so.
I hate myself for having such a poor memory.
Then again, I could have not been using my brain for thinking and analysing for a long time.
I hate myself when I am not appreciated.
I couldn't help it. I feel I have not done enough.but when things get bloody. I really just don't know what to do.
You may say "You don't know how lucky you are" and "think that your parents print banknotes for a living"
Which is what brings us back to sqaure 1, what happened after O levels, speaker's problem of unintentionl implyed purpose and listener's problem of misinterpreting.
we usually say things to hint somthing especially if we want to put a message across.when you exclaimed "$800" as if it was a million bucks, what do you think i felt?
Most of the time, we talk with our brains shut.
We will be so absolutely blunt to blurt out whatsoever comes to mind.
sighs.
[This was written on the day of library orientation 07.]
The other post shall wait.
Friday, March 16, 2007
im..finally home.
yes.home.
tution at 1 brought me all the way to bouna vista and back again.
simply couldnt concentrate during chan's lesson today.
he was like speeding through conservation of linear momentum..
and i was struggling to keep awake.ended up kept yawning like a fool.
ken rushed off..with his mum supposedly..
eva and i took the long train ride back.Escapism of reality through indulgence of pleasure is what everyone requires and acquire naturally at a point of time or another plainly because we arent made of metal.Are we beneficiaries, or victims as a result of escapism? Some say yes..others not because some situations are far too painful to face or bear.What is love? Is love the provision of such indulgent escapism? If not, what is then?
Things are not always within human control.However, self-control is. No matter how famished the will is, not matter how weak the grasp on fate is, self-control is within our reach with the aid of discipline.
The question is, will indulgent of pleasure really resolve matters? It brings momentarily peace to a pending storm. It will never be able to hold out the actual disaster itself. Then, when it strikes, the consequences' reverberation cycle will just toll on to invite pain embodied in different emotions that just makes things worse.
alright.im really tired.
and totally spaced out.
and hungrry.
man.
still have loads to do.
right.take things one by one ba..
saw shihe at market 85 bus stop.not sure if it was him though.
too tired to go over and say hi.hahas.
sorry shihe x)
hahas.
just had a bowl of..expired instant mashed potato.nasty thing.
well everything tastes good when im hungry...
cya xD
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
okay.
i havent been posting for a longlong time.
man.i feel like beating myself up.
wahahas.lols x)
havent been feeling right lately.
spent half of my ytd watching tv.also had the urge to watch Naruto on Youtube..but
didnt managed too.cuz after brenda from beta comm called me..then i started to realise
how short a period of time i have left to revise my work and blah blah....
sighs.
many series of unfortunate events took turns hammering me.
and i dont wanna talk about it.never faltering.unwavering.never dying.be strong.stop thinking of silly things. ~[專屬天使] by TANK
我不會怪你 對我的偽裝
天使在人間是該藏好翅膀
人們愚蠢魯莽而你纖細善良
怎能讓你 為了我被碰傷
小小的手掌
厚厚的溫暖
你總能平復我不安的夜晚
不敢想的夢想 透過你的眼光
我才看見
它原來在前方
沒有誰能把你搶離我身旁
你是我的專屬天使
唯我能獨占
沒有誰能取代你在我心上
拥有一個專屬天使
我哪裏還需要別的願望
小小的手掌
大大的力量
我一定也會象你一樣飛翔
最想去的地方 就是我的方向
有我保護
笑容儘管燦爛
沒有誰能把你搶離我身旁
你是我的專屬天使
唯我能獨占
沒有誰能取代你在我心上
拥有一個專屬天使
我哪裏還需要別的願望
要不是你出現
我一定還在沉睡 絕望的以為
生命只有黑夜
沒有誰能把你搶離我身旁
你是我的專屬天使
唯我能獨占
沒有誰能取代你在我心上
拥有一個專屬天使
我哪裏還需要別的願望
梅田老师：真正的爱情像鬼魂一样，它的若隐若现并不代表它不存在，而这可才是最浪漫的。